Developing well-being is a subtle endeavor. One can spend an entire life succeeding at all the activities deemed important by our culture and yet be miserable on the whole. A few examples come to mind: consider the parents you know, who are powering through the stage of caring for very young children. Many are sleep-deprived and overwhelmed. Some share the impression that, by and large, they are not enjoying this time of life. Isn't there something deeply wrong about that in our culture? We might consider the many forces and pressures that are stacked up against parents.
We can think also of the stories told by chaplains who visit the sick and dying in the hospital. As they say, patients never wish on their deathbeds that they had spent more time at the office. This is exactly the subtlety, the nuance, the fascinating aspect of human existence and well-being. We can do all the "right" things and wind up profoundly unhappy and regretful, as wider perspectives dawn on us.
The point is that the development of abiding well-being takes time, and it takes reflection. We must be willing to question nearly everything. We must be willing to explore and test the fine details of our situations. And, paradoxically, abiding well-being calls for great sacrifice. We must be willing to let go of inherited patterns and comfortable habits that have obstructed our paths to a more fulfilling way of moving through life.
​
What we can tell you about our work as wellness coaches is that, first of all, we sincerely enjoy being fellow sojourners with our clients through the mystery of life. We appreciate the soulful work of tangling with deep questions about what matters in life and why we do the things we do. We say and think through a lot of matters that are usually left unsaid in our culture, and we believe that every life situation is fundamentally workable, full of potential.
​
We can tell you also that we trust our clients immensely. We believe clients contain within themselves many of the strengths and resources necessary for change. We trust that, when clients are presented with the safe yet challenging environment of wellness coaching, they are naturally inclined to employ their strengths and move in the direction of growth. In fact, one of the most important ingredients of effective coaching---if not the most important ingredient---is the client's motivation for trying something new.
​
The foundation of our work is an accepting, direct, and genuine relationship between coach and client. Empathy is particularly important to our work as coaches. We agree with Kohut’s (1984) view of empathy as the “capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner life of another person” (p. 82). We rely on empathy as the primary means of building a strong alliance with clients and collecting information about their lives.
​
In short-term work with clients, we frequently supplement this person-centered approach with cognitive strategies (Beck, 1995). As implied above, our relationships, environments, and selves are always more complicated and multifaceted than we think them to be. We, all of us, tend to think about our lives with fairly impoverished views of ourselves and others. Yet it is precisely these beliefs---short-sighted as they may be---which drive the feelings we experience and the options that seem available to us. In short, cognitive distortions arise as significant blocks on the path toward development.
​
We often, therefore, help clients identify thoughts and belief systems, rather than allow them free reign in organizing and leading behaviors. This first step contrasts sharply with the general human tendency of drifting through life without much reflection. We also seek to facilitate a process of sampling alternative ways of thinking. Additional options for growth tend to emerge as clients expand their appreciation of the multiple factors affecting any circumstance.